On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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