Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
