I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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