Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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