I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
