i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
