Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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