In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
