he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
