remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
