well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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