What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
