I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
