Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
