we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
