He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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