areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
