We're like a lot better than the average bears
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my being single is dangerous.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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