I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
