I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
