Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's always time for handjobs
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
