Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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