Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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