He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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