i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
