I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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