Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I supernannyed him into submission
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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