i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
