You smell like stripper and shame
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize