i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
