nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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