im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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