if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
