omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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