We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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