Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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