I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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