you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
