i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh god it's open bar.
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