Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
