Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
