where am i from again
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
