hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I touched a dick in church today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
