so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
