i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
