did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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