they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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