You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
