I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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