can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
