what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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