3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
