I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
