Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
