last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
