Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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