dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
