Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
