They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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