at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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