Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
