Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I party with great urgency now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
