Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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