just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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