WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
