I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
