The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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