You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
