OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed