Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.