You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight