News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.