I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
