It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
