i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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