You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
