i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You are a genius and a whore.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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