i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
