Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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