Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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