made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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