and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
