Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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