Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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