Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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