is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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